Friday, 30 May 2014

'GET THAT BABY OUT OF THE DISHWASHER' and other phrases that I never thought I would say or hear, until I became a Mum!

Yes it's Half Term. All five children are here under my feet or sitting on top of each other. On top of having five children at home, the OH decided to take the week off of work. I'm not sure which is worse, the OH with a week off or five children?!

Anyway, this week I have found myself saying things that I never in a million years thought I would be saying before I had children. Why do they do really silly things, why do they know when we are at our crankiest or the tiredness is kicking in at the end of a long day that we can be tipped over the edge by the slightest thing? They can be really good all day but come tea time/bath time/bed time they become master mischief makers. Mummy is busy so lets go and unroll all of the loo paper and shove it down the toilet, empty all of Mummy's 'stress relief' bubble bath all over the floor and use the toothpaste as wall paint. After all of that I needed the stress relief bubble bath!

This morning my eldest son arose from his lair, walked up behind me and breathed really heavily in my ear and then asked if I was going to rip his head off?! Rewind to last night when all five children were still awake at midnight, Mummy was tired and wanted her bed and it took until 2.30am for the youngest 'darling' to give in and fall asleep. So this mornings Facebook rant read;

It all fell into place, my child doesn't usually go around asking people if they are going to rip his head off, but this morning he had reason to. He was lucky he escaped unscathed!

This afternoon I was in housework mode, this doesn't happen often. I mean, yes I do clean and tidy but housework mode means I was on a mission! I was in the utility room trying not to drown under all of the clothes washing and the OH was (still) tiling the downstairs bathroom/project in progress/won't need a second bathroom if it's not finished before the kids moved out. I walked into the kitchen and yelled 'get that baby out of the dishwasher'! The front door was open and had anyone been walking past at that very moment I may have been reported to the authorities for dishwashing the baby. This was not the case and he had opened the door of the dishwasher and then proceeded to sit on the door trying to pull all of the clean washing out. Had he been opening cupboards and putting it away I would have told him to crack on and get it finished but he wasn't. This was pure toddler destruction, let's see if we can break the dishwasher door whilst pulling all of the plates and cups onto the floor. What annoyed me more and made me yell at the top of my voice was that my eldest was stood watching him instead of promptly removing him from said dishwasher like it was a normal thing to be doing. Maybe it is normal in our crazy house, maybe tomorrow I will be yelling 'get that baby out of the oven'.

One thing I will never be yelling is ''Get that child out of the washing machine",  nobody in our house knows where that is, except me!

Other sayings just from this past week;

'The hoover pipe is not a light saber'

'Take that nappy off of your head'

'I don't think you do love Lego Hobbits more than Daddy'

'Why's the apple juice in the cupboard with the glasses'

'Are we sure boarding school isn't the best option, even for the toddler'?!


  1. I am so with you and so had to chuckle at the last couple of sayings!! I only have 2 kids well three if you include the husband

    Lucie xx

  2. Haha, the chaotic mindset of children is actually quite endearing in a way isn't it?! Looking back it's all so funny, at the time not so much :)

  3. sounds familiar. We have three and the youngest is now capable of (almost) keeping up with the other two, so it's all the more chaotic. His favourite occupation is emptying the dishwasher too. Mine are home educated though, so we have the chaos all year round - I love it (most of the time).

  4. hahaha! That made me laugh out loud!!
    I say things all the time and then just shake my head not believing what I'm Kids!!