Wednesday, 4 September 2019

The 'stay at home Mum versus working Mum' debate, or the 'Why there shouldn't be a stay at home Mum versus working Mum debate' debate!!

Yes, I'm doing it. I'm going to write a post about why I feel there is no need for the 'stay at home versus working Mum' debate.

A few times recently I have stumble across various different debates online and shared them via social media and most, if not all, fight the corner for one Mum or another. However no Mum is different from any other, whether stay at home or working, we are all doing the same job, we all have work of one type or another whether paid or unpaid. We chose to stay at home or we chose to work. Both stay at home and working means we are all trying to juggle and balance family life.

Come on ladies (and men!). Parenthood is hard enough as it is. We should all be united as one. We all have late nights, sick children to look after. We all do school runs, after school club activities and we all do the extra school runs because little Johnny forgot his lunch box for the 20 millionth time this term. We all have to be up early whether we are going out to work or staying at home. We all get the inevitable 5am wake up call cos that is what time the children have decided it's time to get up.

Just because stay at home Mum doesn't go out to work doesn't mean she spends her day sat down doing nothing, unfortunately they are yet to make a self cleaning house and self cleaning clothes for us stay at home and working Mums to enjoy and a baby who is born with the ability to feed, dress and entertain itself. Not even a teenager can do that!

Also just because there are working Mums doesn't mean that their children are missing out on anything either. They are well looked after by family, childcare facilities etc... and Mum/Dad are still there to pick them up at the end of the day and take them home to carry on with the same routines as everyone else.

Stay at home Mums are no better than working Mums and that goes for the other way round too. We all do the best we can to make family life work for us in every which way we can.

Stay at home Mum yearns for an adult conversation most days and also yearns to have the high flying career with endless opportunities and to walk out of the door once in a while in something other than her joggers and t-shirt that she forgot had a sick mark on the shoulder.

 Then there are probably countless amounts of career driven Mums (and Dads) who, whilst they enjoy their career and all it brings, yearn to be at home more with their children and have a day when they didn't have to rush out the door trying to remember everything that needed to be said in that important meeting whilst the children are shouting at them to also remember ballet lessons, did you pack my lunch and I've got this letter I need you to sign that I could have asked you to do before you were running out of the door!

It's the same with everything I suppose, someone always has something better than you, or at least you think it's better. However, we can't judge things on whether they are better or not. All our lives are as equally challenging and demanding in different ways and yet we are all serving the same purpose and trying to do the best with what we have. There will never be enough time in the day and days in the week. Stay at home Mum will always think working Mum has it better and vice versa. Both are equally as challenging as the other for completely different reasons yet both have their perks too.

Yes we moan. I know I do my fair share of moaning, its part and parcel of never being happy with what you have and thinking the grass is greener. If I worked I would moan about work the same as my husband when he comes in at the end of the day and a lot of friends too. No one is ever happy with their job, they always need a little moan, I could do better, I need a career change, I don't want to be at home changing nappies any more. It's venting, it's getting off your chest, you've had bad day, you need to have a moan and then you will be OK. It doesn't mean you aren't coping or someone else could do a better job.

If we accept that what we have and what we do is the best that we can provide for our family then we can be happier in ourselves. If we all support each other in all of the different roles that we do then families would be happier.

There is no need for debate any more, no need for arguments. We are all in this together to do the best for our children via whatever means it takes to get the job done and finding that work/life balance that works for each individual family set up.

So unite Mums of the world (and Dads!). We are all parents. There is no right or wrong job. We chose to stay at home or we chose to work. Each parent plays their part in family life to make it work and it works. The kids are fed, clean, happy, well looked after. The house isn't falling apart (yet) and we make time for the important things in life as they always come first.

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