1. Going to the toilet in peace. How can a man take a toilet break uninterrupted for half an hour yet I just have to walk in the bathroom and I'm followed by the Andrex kid. Guaranteed to run off with the bog roll just when you need it.
2. Bathing in peace. Yet again another task that the OH can usually do alone and in peace. I'm joined by a toddler visitor most times and usually an unexpected plus one that the toddler invited to the pool party floats past too, you know the one.
3. Sleeping through the night. I'm sure at age 21 yrs (plus a few) I should be sleeping through the night by now? All the books say I should be, my Mum says I should be? I think I need to go and see someone. Or just ignore the cry of the night toddler?!
4. The hot cup of tea. I swear I should just drink iced tea instead. I make a cuppa, go off to do something, forget where I've put it, sort out a tantrum and meh, it's cold. The OH has hot tea, biscuits the lot. Where's my biscuits?
5. The shopping trip without forgetting what you went for and sometimes forgetting one of the kids you went with! Oh the stress of shopping with kids. You have this crazy plan that this week it might actually work, they might actually behave like humans rather than running wild and scaring old ladies from under the clothes rails, and that's just the husband! You forget what you even went to the shops for, you run back to the car defeated and then realise you're a man down. Man down!!!!
6. Eating a whole plate full of food. I mean, come on. The toddler has exactly the same plate of food as you yet yours is so much more interesting and tastier. I eat one thing and the toddler hoovers up the rest like I've not fed him for a month. I should be stick thin by now using the Slimming Toddler diet. I now try and dine alone in the restaurant called the Understairs Cupboard, it's a quaint little place, no tables and you have to eat really fast before you see toddler fingers appear under the door hunting you down as it's next meal victim.
And finally 7. Leaving the house alone. Erm, what's that? It takes more planning to go on a night out than it did to plan my own wedding, and that was a killer. Then on your return, if you managed to get out, they are all still awake because they missed you. How sweet, I was relaxed all evening and now I have to do the same bedtime routine I do every flaming night just at stupid o'clock. Am I still relaxed? No! Missed you too kids. :-/