Thursday, 4 September 2014

Dear Daddy............ The absent one, the one who didn't care and still doesn't now. The one that walked away and never looked back over 17 years ago. This one is just for you!.

Most mornings I sit and watch Jeremy Kyle. The DNA tests, the arguments over stolen property, the drug and alcohol problems and the 'you slept with my Mums brothers sister uncles cousins best friends Mum' episode, you know the one! And then there is the one where the father upped and left when the woman was pregnant and never looked back or the one where the couple has split up and the Dad isn't stepping up to his responsibilities.

I have many friends whose husbands are in the Armed Forces and probably wish every day they could see their wives and children. Who go for months without seeing their children grow and thrive and missing out on major milestones, new beginnings etc..... Fathers who work so hard that they are out of the door in the morning before the children wake up and aren't back until after they have gone to bed. Weekend time is precious and usually spent running around doing jobs etc... and before you know it it's work time again. There are also the fathers that can't be with us any more, children who have lost their Dads far too soon and living every day wishing they could see them again, asking Mummy why did they leave us so soon.

And then on the complete other end of the spectrum you have 'absent father'. Absent father who left their partner when she was pregnant, 17 years on there has been no contact and it makes you wonder why and how! How on earth can someone go through day to day life knowing that out there they have a child. someone who looks like them, has the same DNA as them, is part of their family and always will be, yet has never made any effort to find out how they are, what they are doing and how life is going. Not knowing whether his name is Bob, John, Dan, Harry or whatever other name I had to choose by myself. However, absent Father does know this answer I am sure.

Don't get me wrong, the OH has been in Thing 1's life since he was 3 years old and as far as Thing 1 is concerned he is his Dad, however Thing 1 does know that he does have a biological Dad out there. OH has done a great job of being his Dad, it's been hard work and at times it has been extremely challenging and Thing 1, at times, can be a right royal Payne in the bottom but that's what parenting is all about. It's not all easy and fun! However he stepped up and took on the job that someone else wasn't man enough to do.

Life is good, we have never needed absent father as our lives took a new direction and we are where we are today, with OH, four more children and a lovely home and family life. However, there will always be that thought in the back of Thing 1's mind that he does have that Dad out there, the one that left his mother and him before he was born and the one that has never bothered to find out how he is. How would that make you feel? He is well loved by myself and OH but I know even I would feel a small sense of abandonment or just the question always in my mind of Why or How can you not want to know.

I know where absent father is, I know all about him, and I know that his FIRST BORN son is happy, thriving and has grown into a lovely young man.

What I want absent father to know is, I will make sure that everyone knows who my sons father is as we will not hide it from anyone, like you have hidden away for all of these years. I want absent father to know that my son will always be his first born child, not the eldest of the ones he has now. I'm not going to hide from people who my sons father is and I will make sure everyone knows who abandoned his son and never looked back.

I also watched Judge Rinder yesterday, a new ITV show in the afternoons. I just so happened to catch the episode where a woman was trying to claim a sum of money from her daughters father. This father hadn't seen his daughter in x amount of years and in those years had been paying £5 a week for his daughter. At this point Judge Rinder laughed and made a comment. £5 a week, to help raise a child, it's a joke. I'm not sure what planet these fathers live on, but it's surely one where there is no thought put into anything except themselves???

I have so many friends going through the same or similar situations, this is our story. I will never know How someone can live their lives knowing they have a child out there they have never seen, I will never understand it yet I still wonder every now and again and I never find the right answer.


  1. My eldests girls father left me when she was nearly 3 years old.....He hasn't seen her since and she's 12 next week! He wasn't in touch for years until a couple of years ago on fathers Saying he wanted my girl to write him letters and will go to court to make her.....He didn't want to see her in person or even send her a birthday or Christmas card.....I told him to jog on and take me to I'm still waiting for the court papers over 2 years later. I've seen his Facebook profile where he goes on about the two kids he had taken off him and his girlfriend by social services but no mention of our daughter! He hides the fact she exists....She knows who her dad is and thankfully isn't bothered about him at all.

  2. Sorry I haven't responded to your comment sooner. Some men just haven't got a clue. It sounds like you are better off without him but it's not fair on the children. :-(