Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Me, Myself and my (lazy) Eye. Why I don't do pictures of myself and why my one wish is to post a selfie pic without having to hide from the camera all of the time!

This is a BIG post for me to be writing. People who see me every day know about it but people who I chat to online don't know. Why? It's because I never post pictures of myself, if I have to be in a picture (dread the thought) then I try to look at a certain angle, never at the camera. Or more recently with my weight loss pics I get my whole body in and chop off my head!

A rare picture of me, just doing my gazing into the distance look! 

Having just read a blog post from another Mummy where she was saying about feeling conscious of how she looked when meeting up with other people, I feel the same but for different reasons.

Recently whilst out with friends celebrating my birthday my bestie wanted a photo with me. Oh how I wanted it to be a nice photo. Sit together, take a photo, post online, job done. However, I didn't want that photo to be taken. I didn't want everyone looking at me whilst they tried to take a snap that actually looked half decent, they aren't going to get one.

Anyone would think that now I've lost some weight and am feeling good about myself I would want photo's taken. I do, as long as my head isn't in the shot! I've become quite vain when it comes to walking past the bathroom mirror and looking at the new skinnier me. I focus on my flatter tummy (certainly not flat and still very wobbly!) but nicer to look at than the previous me.

So, what's the problem you may ask. Well, when I was around 3/4 years old I was treated for a 'lazy' eye. I'm unsure of the technical terms but let's be honest it is being bloody lazy recently too! Anyway, after the operation and patching it all went well. I wore glasses right up until my late teens and from then onwards I was told my eyesight had got better and there was no need for glasses. So roll on to age 25 ish I would say. I've tried looking back through old photo's to pin point where it all started going downhill! Everything was ok up until then I would say. However, now it's got really bad and really noticeable and I hate it.

Not an amazingly close up picture but this was in 2010 and it doesn't actually look too bad. Also pre weight loss, eurgh! 

Very rarely do people mention it but it's there, right on my face. I can't hide it, when you are talking to someone you have to make eye contact. I was out a few weeks ago and a little girl said to me 'Why aren't you looking at me', I changed the subject but children say it how it is don't they!

So, I want it fixed. It's been on my mind for a year or more now but it's getting round to doing something. What do I do? Who do I ask? I've been told patching at such a late age (kidding myself that I'm still 21!) won't work but I bought some anyway but then I don't wear them. I won't go out wearing one so even if it was going to work it wouldn't be effective unless I wore it 24/7 for a certain amount of time. Although patching to me seems a lot easier than going through surgery. I was also told by my optician that if I did have an operation, even though it would work to fix the lazy eye, it may give me double vision so that threw a spanner in the works, would I really want to see 2 of everything all of the time?!

So there it is, I've put it out there and I've even added the dreaded picture that I didn't want anyone to see. I know it's there, it annoys me every single day but I don't go around shouting it from the rooftops, well until now.

Eurgh, it's hideously horrible and I hate it. I don't believe I have even put the pictures up! Second picture is to show that when I cover my good eye the other one decides it's going to wake up! 

The killer statement for me was soon after I had reached my goal on my weight loss journey recently, whilst the OH is quick to comment on my flatter tummy and tell me 'Hasn't she done well' he was also just as quick to announce 'Maybe you could get your eye sorted'. WTF, needless to say that he was so close to needing more than a surgeon to sort his face out after I had finished with him! :-(

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