Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Me, Myself and my (lazy) Eye. Why I don't do pictures of myself and why my one wish is to post a selfie pic without having to hide from the camera all of the time!

This is a BIG post for me to be writing. People who see me every day know about it but people who I chat to online don't know. Why? It's because I never post pictures of myself, if I have to be in a picture (dread the thought) then I try to look at a certain angle, never at the camera. Or more recently with my weight loss pics I get my whole body in and chop off my head!


A rare picture of me, just doing my gazing into the distance look! 

Having just read a blog post from another Mummy where she was saying about feeling conscious of how she looked when meeting up with other people, I feel the same but for different reasons.

Recently whilst out with friends celebrating my birthday my bestie wanted a photo with me. Oh how I wanted it to be a nice photo. Sit together, take a photo, post online, job done. However, I didn't want that photo to be taken. I didn't want everyone looking at me whilst they tried to take a snap that actually looked half decent, they aren't going to get one.

Anyone would think that now I've lost some weight and am feeling good about myself I would want photo's taken. I do, as long as my head isn't in the shot! I've become quite vain when it comes to walking past the bathroom mirror and looking at the new skinnier me. I focus on my flatter tummy (certainly not flat and still very wobbly!) but nicer to look at than the previous me.

So, what's the problem you may ask. Well, when I was around 3/4 years old I was treated for a 'lazy' eye. I'm unsure of the technical terms but let's be honest it is being bloody lazy recently too! Anyway, after the operation and patching it all went well. I wore glasses right up until my late teens and from then onwards I was told my eyesight had got better and there was no need for glasses. So roll on to age 25 ish I would say. I've tried looking back through old photo's to pin point where it all started going downhill! Everything was ok up until then I would say. However, now it's got really bad and really noticeable and I hate it.


Not an amazingly close up picture but this was in 2010 and it doesn't actually look too bad. Also pre weight loss, eurgh! 

Very rarely do people mention it but it's there, right on my face. I can't hide it, when you are talking to someone you have to make eye contact. I was out a few weeks ago and a little girl said to me 'Why aren't you looking at me', I changed the subject but children say it how it is don't they!

So, I want it fixed. It's been on my mind for a year or more now but it's getting round to doing something. What do I do? Who do I ask? I've been told patching at such a late age (kidding myself that I'm still 21!) won't work but I bought some anyway but then I don't wear them. I won't go out wearing one so even if it was going to work it wouldn't be effective unless I wore it 24/7 for a certain amount of time. Although patching to me seems a lot easier than going through surgery. I was also told by my optician that if I did have an operation, even though it would work to fix the lazy eye, it may give me double vision so that threw a spanner in the works, would I really want to see 2 of everything all of the time?!

So there it is, I've put it out there and I've even added the dreaded picture that I didn't want anyone to see. I know it's there, it annoys me every single day but I don't go around shouting it from the rooftops, well until now.


Eurgh, it's hideously horrible and I hate it. I don't believe I have even put the pictures up! Second picture is to show that when I cover my good eye the other one decides it's going to wake up! 


The killer statement for me was soon after I had reached my goal on my weight loss journey recently, whilst the OH is quick to comment on my flatter tummy and tell me 'Hasn't she done well' he was also just as quick to announce 'Maybe you could get your eye sorted'. WTF, needless to say that he was so close to needing more than a surgeon to sort his face out after I had finished with him! :-(




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18 comments:

  1. Yay for facing your demons and laying it all down on your blog... Sometimes i find it easier to lay everything bare on my blog than a social media site. I have no experience with regards to eyes etc, but i hate my nose! I was bullied because it points upwards and so on photos i will tend to look at the camera either straight on or just slightly angled :/ x

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    1. Thank you for your comment Leanne. I know that we all have something that we don't like about ourselves. I am pleased I have written it all down and got it out there! One day I will take a selfie!

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  2. aw bless hun that must have been difficult to write. I would perhaps suggest a second opinion and a referral from your GP to a specialist. Its a big decision to make and only one that you can make so take your time and gather all the info, testimonys etc that you can xx

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    1. Thank you for your comment Tracey. Every day I think I will make the call to the GP and the days go by and I still haven't done it!

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  3. A very brave post to right. my husband and eldest daughter have this problem too however they are lucky in the sense that they still need glasses for their sight to which holds the eye in place. Sounds like you have a big decision to make, I hope you manage to find a solution that works for you. xx

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    1. Thank you for your comment. It's tough making that decision, I suppose once it's made I want it all to happen quickly but I know these things take time. :-)

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  4. Laura, I really have to tell you, and I don't know if it will make any difference, but it genuinely doesn't notice nearly as much as you think it does. Looking at the photos as an independent observer, there is only one thing I notice about the last photo you've posted, the one you really don't like, and that is that you are not smiling! In the full length shot, from 2010, you have the most beautiful smile that lights up your face. That is the only thing I notice about that photo, nothing else stands out. I honestly believe, if you could have the confidence to smile and be yourself, your idle optic would pale into the insignificance it deserves. :-)

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    1. Aw Lucy, thank you so much for your comment. It's really nice to hear someone say something positive. No, I never smile when taking pictures of myself!

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  5. Such a very brave post to write.....
    If my other half had said what your's had said I would of smacked him in the face!
    You're beautiful....Don't let you're eye hold you back! xxx

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    1. That's so kind of you Kim, thank you for your positive comments. My husband is a lucky man that he walked away in one piece!

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  6. I have a lazy eye too and it has got much worse since having children. I do have my photo on my blog but I cringe at every single one, or try and put my hair in front of my face. It is tough, isn't it!

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    1. It's so hard Bex. I really would like to join in with the photo's if we are out on a day out but I am always the one behind the camera! I hate photo's of myself.

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  7. You're so brave for doing this post. I only allow myself to photographed from a certain angle because I have a beauty spot above my lip & I literally HATE it so much that I can't allow myself to be in a photograph that shows it. I feel silly typing that as I've never discussed it properly but it's just how I feel & I really admire that you managed to post a photo :) I think you look lovely!

    L x

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  8. it must be annoying for you to deal with itbut its a piece of you and your beautiful hun x

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  9. I know this won't help you but my 4 year old son is going through this and we have patched to get the eye working again as it wouldn't even go straight when covering the other eye but now we're at the stage of waiting to see a surgeon and they say he will have to wear glasses all his life even after the op. Maybe it was the case you still needed to wear glasses? If it really bothers you maybe you could go for surgery again and go back to wearing glasses, as from what I understand the patching only improves the vision in the lazy eye but won't straighten.
    Whatever you decide to do, your eye doesn't change who you are :) xxxx Good luck and well done for sharing, hope it relieves some stress from worrying about it xxx

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  10. Oh sweetheart your so beautiful ..... when we have a part of our body we dislike so much but isnt easy to 'fix' must.be devastating. ....but plse plse believe me .....you see your faults......we see the beautiful you :-)

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  11. well done on being brave enough to post such an honest post / photo about yourself. Dont be so hard on yourself you are beautiful x #sharewithme

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  12. Well done you for your bravery and stepping out of your comfort zone. My son has the exact same thing where if you cover his good eye his lazy eye will look straight but otherwise it looks out too. He has glasses to help with this and my brother actually got the surgery to fix his when he was younger so it runs in the family. I can't imagine how frustrating it is to you but I can relate to what we have been dealing with with my son's eye. Bless you. Lovely post and hopefully you feel better sharing it now and not hiding from it. Go you! Thanks for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

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